It's amazing how wonderful 1 oz of yogurt + 1 peach slice tastes, and how completely it can fill me up.  Yesterday was my first food since the surgery on 10/29 and I was definitely getting body hungry, not just head-hungry.  Clear liquids and a wee bit of Ensure just wasn't enough.  (brat_sheba , I wasn't able to have protein drinks until yesterday so my energy level wasn't all that high.  It seems that no two doctors manage the diet/food plan process the same way.

But yesterday I had my post-op visit with the doctor, had my incisions checked, and got oriented to the next stages eating that will carry me through the next four weeks.  I'm a very literal person and thought the directions were very poorly written, but I knew enough to ask the right questions and know what it's about.  I just never expected how much I'd be full from eating so little. 

The next few weeks will be weirdo and I'm glad I'm taking leave this week as well, to figure out the food parts.  What to take for lunch, how to manage eating tiny snacks when we're not supposed to eat at our desks and refrigerator space is at a minimum.  Mostly i just don't want to be around large quantities of food because it kind of makes me sick.

I'm feeling good, though, and get in about 40 min of walking or more, depending on weather and the pain level in the knee.  Wishing I had a Wii Fit and may investigate that as a Christmas present to myself to give me another inside way to get some exercise as we go into the dark and soon-to-be-cold winter season.  

I gained some fluid weight in the hospital, which annoyed me because I didn't want anything to mess up the loss I'd been nurturing.  But that's all gone, plus another 10 lbs in the last 12 days.  The doctor told me to expect only about 5-6 lbs off in the next 2 weeks before I see him again for my first saline fill.  But the way I see it, 5-6 lbs in 2 weeks is a good thing, and lapband loss is slower than that of bypass patients. 

I'm in this for the long haul - and as of this morning, I've lost 59.2 lbs since April. Yayyy me!

I was discharged 36 hours after arriving at the hospital.  Everything went well, helped along by seriously good pain meds, and now I sit home sipping 2 oz of Ensure out of a tiny crystal glass and about ready to hop back into bed for a little nap.

The hardest part was being there by myself. The hospital needs a little help in that department, since everyone kept looking at me in disbelief when they asked if I had someone waiting outside.  Uh, no.  But the surgeon called my parents when I was in recovery (about 7:45 am Texas time) and they spread the word to my family that all had gone well.  Having an early surgery time gave me lots of time during the day to be groggy, nap, but also wake up and take walks.  That served me well later.

My roommate had had gastric bypass the day before my surgery.  Our surgeons are in practice together and we spent quite a bit of awake time talking about why we had made the choices we did, what we were anticipating, what we were afraid of.  And taking walks together around the hospital floor, pushing our little IV units.  We had our swallow studies in Radiology within an hour of each other, passing with flying colors (which was our hope since the barium tasted so horrible).

I'm happy to be home in my own bed with my Bari Buddy and my loving kitty.  I have interesting bruises and marks, tho not interesting in the way i'd prefer.  i'm on clear liquids plus four 2-oz servings of Ensure or Boost per day for the next two weeks.  I see the surgeon on 11/9 to have stitches out and maybe my first lapband fill.  We'll see how it goes.

Bending over to deal with shoes is more than I want to do today so I'm doing my walking around in the inside hallway of my building.  It's boring but it's dry and no one cares that I'm in my robe and slippers.  The tummy soreness should ease up soon and I can't wait to get outside and start walking.  For now, though, I"m off to take a nap.

Thanks, brat_sheba , for the support and advice!

Tomorrow is the big day.  I'm to be at the hospital at 6:30 am (which is wayyyy to early for me to have to actually be some place other than home), bringing my CPAP machine with me.  I'm not sure what time surgery is scheduled but think it's around 7:30-7:45 am.   I'm spending the night at the hospital, having a swallow study on Friday at some point, and assuming all is well, can go home to my waiting kitty.  Who can't sleep on my stomach as usual for quite a while yet.

It's the start of a whole new part of my life.  Time to get on with it!

Do you know of a good web hosting service that is also kink-friendly?  My group is looking to move to a new host but don't want to risk violating terms of service.  I know that many of you have sites and I'm hoping you can shoot me some good options. 

Thanks in advance!

After thinking and exploring this for over a year, taking the evaluations and tests, and meeting with my doctor, the surgeon, and a support group, I now have a date for lapband surgery:  October 29.  At first they wanted to do it on Oct. 1 but I have work commitments that I need to complete including a 3-day vendor in house training, so I had asked for any time after October 20. 

I feel as though I've had almost every medical test and visit possible for a healthy person in the last 3 months, with a gyn visit coming up with it's usual tests, and a colonoscopy on Oct. 1, another reason why surgery would have been complicated.  There's an EKG next week and more bloodwork after that.  I'm more than ready to get all of that behind me and just plan for my surgery and the post-op period.

Some people think I'm crazy because I've lost almost 35 lbs on my own since April, but I have so much more to go and then keep off and other methods have just not had any long-term success.  My poor arthritic bone-on-bone knee needs help and they can't do much when I'm carrying the extra weight.  So this choice isn't about wearing nicer clothes or fitting into plane seats more easily, though I know it will happen.  It's about feeling better and doing the best I can for my health.

It feels right and I'm ready.  I've been weaning myself off of my beloved Diet Coke for the last month or so, and with it, caffeine.  No carbonation allowed post-op, or at least not for a long time and even then just a sip or two.  It's easier to not have it at all but I was practically mainlining it so it takes time to break the habit.  I'm almost there!  I'm taking 2 weeks off of work which is more than I've taken at once in about 5 years.  Now's a good time, don't you think?

My nephew just signed with the Philadelphia Eagles and will be suiting up in training camp tomorrow.  I'm so happy and excited for him.  He signed with the Jets right after Draft Day, but was cut loose after a month.  This has been his dream since he was 12 years old, and he's put blood, sweat and injuries on the field to earn it. 

With any luck, I can figure out how to get down to watch a game or two.  Rumor has it there are player seats available.  Would be lovely to be there to support him.

Okay, I'm a day early.  Tomorrow is my birthday, one of those with nicely aligned numbers that can jar the spirit when you realize they belong to you, plus it puts me in a new age bracket for surveys. 

On the other hand, I will spend the day sleeping in a bit and taking the train to DC for a professional conference.  I'll be with colleagues and plenty of entertainment material.  When we get to DC, there are dinner plans with a group of friends at a wonderful Spanish restaurant with lots of sangria. 

It's been two years since I went to this meeting and there is lots of catching up to do with friends and colleagues from around the country, or at least the ones with enough money to get here.  I'm suspecting the numbers will be greatly reduced, but that makes it more cozy and more likely that I'll run into people I know.  We talk all the time in Twitter and Facebook and I met lots of new people that way that I've never seen in person, so this will be fun.

When I get home, I have a number of medical things to finish up -- a mammogram (blech), a gyn exam, and a clinical nutritionist evaluation for weight loss surgery.  I've already had the psych eval and meeting with the surgeon will happen after all the other evals are in -- and there is time to get an appointment.  Oh, there's also a WLS support group the week after I get home that I need to attend as well.  I need to explore all the options and finish reading Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies, which was recommended by a friend who had the surgery a few years ago.  Lots to learn.  brat_sheba's confidence and commitment to changing her life for the better really resonate.

For now, it's time to take out the trash in the pouring rain and start packing.  Tomorrow will be here before I know it.

I just sold my pair of matched floggers to a friend in Texas.  My next problem is how best to ship them.  Do I need to find a way to ship them straight (which would be a very long box)?  Or could they be curled up without hurting them?

Suggestions welcome, with thanks in advance.

My weight has been a real concern for me and for the last 2 months I've been focusing on getting back into Weight Watchers so that it becomes second nature to make better choices.  And it's working: I've lost 10 lbs and am feeling better physically.  But my knee is in bad shape and every pound I lose lightens the pressure on a joint that's already bone-on-bone.  I'm hoping I can be considered for knee replacement surgery in a year when I've lost more weight and have accumulated enough leave to be out for 6 weeks.

I'm in the zone with WW now and it feels relaxed and comfortable.  I lost over 100 lbs using the flex points program when it first started, but gained almost everything back over the last 5 years.  I understood the program but just didn't WANT to do it, using all kinds of excuses for not taking the small steps that I knew would add up to making a difference.

But it's been an enormously stressful spring, with layoffs that I'd known about for months that finally happened 2 weeks ago - though the staff will continue to be in the office for 90 days (now down to 85, but who's counting?) which is disruptive and stressful in different ways.  The only thing I can control right now is what I eat, and that brings a peace that I hadn't expected - and didn't really feel when I lost my big weight because then I was so rigid that there wasn't room to find that contentment.

Lately I've been far more interested in living my life than blogging about it - and have become addicted to Twitter and Facebook as ways to be more interactive and communicate with friends in my professional life.  What's happening is that that part of my life is thriving while my BDSM life is, well, non-existent.  And it doesn't really bother me, which is interesting in and of itself.  It's like that part of me has just vanished, making me wonder if it was ever really there or if it filled a need for a period of time and I've changed and no longer need it.

And I'm wondering what to do with the never-used floggers in my closet.  I have a really nice matched pair of red and black cowhide floggers made by Viper that have never been used. If anyone is interested in having them, let me know.

Big happy dancing in the extended Mimi family today - my nephew signed with a professional football team yesterday!   He wasn't drafted but got picked up as a free agent gratifyingly fast.  He's worked so hard for so long, taking one small step at a time to reach his dream of playing in the NFL, and I'm so proud of him for having the focus and discipline of not settling for something less just because it was easier.  Next step - trying to figure out if/how I can get to watch him play :)

I've been researching cars for months now. My 10-year old Saturn, with incredibly low original miles, just was too low to the ground and my bad knee just killed me climbing in and out (out was really bad). Anything would be an improvement. Research is something I do all the time for work and I spent a good long time reading reports, reviews, recommendations and comparing makes and models. But nothing beats actually sitting in the car to know if it's going to work. My friend J told me I was taking so long to decide on something because I just hadn't fallen in love with one yet. That changed last weekend.

Today I brought home a beautiful shiny new candy apple red Prius:



I fully expect to keep it at last as long as the last one -- I've only had 2 cars in 24 years, both red.  This one's name is Hermoine  (and yes, I did think of mseuphrates and her cute little kitteh on the name).  Hermoine from Harry Potter is smart, strong, and magical (which is how I see the hybrid thing).

My nephew made it to Indianapolis today for the NFL Combine.  Me, I thought it was a farm implement but now I understand that it's a huge big deal, especially for college senior football players who want to be drafted by the NFL.  Think good thoughts for him!

I haven't done anything really BDSM-related in a long time - probably Beat Me in St Louis last May, actually, now that I think about it.  I'd thought about and hoped to go to COPE and then Winter Wickedness but the cost of actually getting there from CT turned out to be an issue in this economy.  Maybe next time; I really want to meet these people that I've come to know or know about via LJ.

But tomorrow I'm driving up to Providence, RI for the New England Leather Alliance Fetish Flea Market.  It's a huge event for this part of the world, taking over a whole hotel with vendors and classes, seeing and being seen. There are small groups and social events - but I feel weird because I don't really know anyone there anymore.  It's entirely my fault/responsibility for not keeping up with Boston kink friends.  I'm hoping I'll see people tomorrow that I know, and can make myself be social and outgoing to meet new people.  

Unlike my last trips, this event doesn't have public dungeon space because, well, laws are different up here.  There will be demos and lots of private playing but I'm not going to this event expecting to play or even see other people scene.  Tho you never know, I might run into friends and get invited to a private party.

At least I"m taking the first step and going.  I have a hotel room for two nights and Providence is less than 2 hours away by car.  If I freak out or get bored, there's a big mall attached to the hotel and things to do as quiet time away from what's proven to be a very stressful week at work. 

Was messing around with the LOLCat builder.  She just needed to be there :)

Very bad chest/shoulder pain today drove me to Urgent Care over at my health plan.  After waiting almost 2 hours and getting x-rays, I was told that I have a fractured collarbone, and need to keep the right arm in a sling for 4-6 weeks.  I have no idea how I did this since I'm not into sports, haven't fallen or done anything weird other than lug heavy suitcases.  Am about to go replenish my ice pack, take more Alleve, and try to get comfortable.    At least there's a reason for the pain.

Finally home from my Christmas travel adventure to Texas.  Outbound trip was supposed to happen last Monday (just a week ago?  hard to imagine) but ended up taking me three days.  Many flights had been cancelled due to winter snow/sleet/ice/freezing rain the Friday and Sunday before, and I left for the airport lugging my stuff over concrete-like snow piles and black ice in 14 degree weather.  But it was a pretty day with bright sun, clear skies, and easy driving once I got out of my complex.

However, flight delays + cancellations + sitting around on the tarmac + late arrival + 40 people already on standby from having missed earlier flights = big giant mess at Newark.  I ended up spending the night in the airport, hoping for standby on the 5:30 am flight but alas, 45 people had the same idea and some had been there for 4 days. 

I ended up paying for a day pass for the airline club, where I got immediate assistance in booking a confirmed seat (it helped that I was flying First Class where there actually were a few unsold seats), but I couldn't get out until late on Christmas Eve.  So I checked into an airport hotel, which was kind enough to let me check in early so I could crash and sleep deep (as opposed to sitting up in an airport), eat real food, get clean, and watch TV in comfort.  And use the free wifi with my new iPod Touch - I didn't have a computer this trip, but the Touch let me stay connected.

I only had three days of visiting instead of five since I used so much time for travel.  But I was there on Christmas morning, which meant the world to the family and I told them I was their present.  Much as I love them all, the craziness of the last week took a toll and I was really happy to get home last night to my knitty who is now attached with velcro.  I'm taking today to do almost nothing.  Yayyy me.

Hope you all had a merry Christmas / Yule / Hannukah / Kwanzaa or whatever day you celebrate. 

We had 8 inches of snow yesterday.  It's still snowing lightly, with a second storm following tomorrow with snow, sleet, freezing rain, then rain - and then the temps drop to the teens so everything freezes into black ice.  Right now the roads are okay, hills are less so, and parking lots are a mess. 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed about it all because Monday morning I head up to Hartford to fly to Texas for the holidays.  I'm already pretty sure the flights will be messed up because planes coming inbound won't be where they need to be to stick to schedules.

I hate traveling in the winter, and holiday stresses add to the overall chaos.  I wish i could just beam myself to Texas and not have the driving, flying, waiting, changes, and crowds in the process.  Much as I like people, I'm really a pretty solitary person and content with that, so holiday visiting often weirds me out.  Let's hope the weather cooperates but just in case, I'm bringing supplies in case I'm stuck overnight somewhere.

The house is full of yummy baking smells.  Gingerbread cookies are cooling on racks in the counter and last night I made a sour cream coffee cake from an old recipe that's been passed on for years - my recipe card is tattered and written in my godmother's hand.  I've also been on a tear making Alton Brown's Free Range Fruitcake - three different batches thus far, one winging its way to Texas, wrapped in a brandy-soaked tea towel and a sturdy tin.  It's awesome and not like any fruitcake I've had since my grandmother's, many years ago.

I don't really know what's gotten into me with all the baking.  When I joined WW six years ago, I pretty much purged my cabinets of anything that would be a temptation to make food that would end up being tempting and attach directly to my ample hips.  But I really do like to play with recipes and Christmas is a time to make the familiar, for comfort and tradition, as well as try something new.  I was thrilled when I made my last batch of cookies only to end up throwing some out because they'd gotten stale and lost their taste.  This never happens with me and chocolate chip cookies.

I have mixed feelings about going to Texas for Christmas.  I love my family but feel pretty disconnected from them in so many ways.  Last year we almost lost my mom when an infection raged following an emergency appendectomy, so I'm more aware that time is not infinite.  I'm not looking forward to being with the religious conservative, right wing, gay-hating Republican family.  The real me isn't someone who fits there and never did.  Being with the kids will be fun, though, if we avoid certain subjects.  The last time gay marriage came up in a conversation with me, they were shocked at my answers.  Of course, I've lived (and live now) in a state where it's legal so my perspective is different.

We have two more snow storms ("plowable snow" to quote the weather guy) before I drive up to Hartford to catch my plane.  Let's hope the travel goes smoothly and if not, that I can rearrange things with minimal problems.  In the meantime, I'll play with my iPod touch - a Christmas present to myself.

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia — I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic— Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and …

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8 . Full Personality Disorder— You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …

10. Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t leave My House

11. Senile Dementia — Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder — Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate